Reflecting on life changing events

It's been a long time since I posted. So much has happened that it is hard to know where to start. Mum died unexpectedly in February this year. I miss her so very much that I still have a very physical heart ache when I think about her - which is almost all the time. To be honest, I would not want it any other way. I am just sorry every day that we didn't have longer together and that I wasn't able to do more for her. I'm not going to write much about it. There have been many, many things written about grief and loss and while everyone's grief experiences are unique in the way that everyone is a unique individual, there is more commonality in grieving than you might expect.

What I do recognise, however, is how life changing events can impact on living. Some may think of life changing events as graduations, finding the person you share your life with, weddings, the birth of children. I see these as life affirming events rather than life changing. For me a life changing event forever alters the way you plan to think about and live your life. Something happens that you did not anticipate or plan for and nothing about you and your life will be the same again. I can identify a few of these in my life - the day my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer three weeks before my wedding, the day we learned that our fertility treatment had not been successful, the first time that my mum didn't recognise who I was and then, this year, the day I held her as she died. Nothing will ever be the same. So much of what my life is built on has stayed the same, but so much more has changed forever and I am still working my way through the pieces so that I can build a new life that prizes the memories and values the legacy that has been left from a life well lived. I only hope she knows how much I loved her, how many wonderful memories I have of her and how much I miss her every day.

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